“You’re wrong and you owe me an apology!”
“You’re just hateful and I never want to speak to you ever again!”
These were words that my sister and I spoke to each other a while ago. A misunderstanding coupled with an angry response had escalated to very bitter feelings on both sides. Phone calls were no longer answered, names were blocked from email lists, and pictures were taken off the walls. Even when the truth about what had started the problem was brought to light the problem and feelings persisted. Whenever I thought about the incident my anger boiled up in me again. My sister told me that the negative feelings plagued her every waking hour. I guess now I understand even more why people use that phrase. The plagues of old would eat away and consume its victims much in the same way that the anger and bitterness was eating away at and consuming my sister and myself. If not brought into check the plagues would eventually destroy the bodies of its victims and this spiritual plague was doing that to our spirits. Even when the olive branch was extended, it was not accepted and in fact, was rebuffed. I knew I was in the right! She knew she was! Neither looked ready to budge and the plague was running unchecked.
A little while later, I was driving to work one morning when the car in front of me hit a skunk. I saw the mist of stink rise into the air just as my car drove through it. I couldn’t breath. Now, I grew up in a small town and I had smelled skunk before, but this was different! The smell was so intense that it stung my eyes and burned my nose. The entire car now reeked of the smell of the dead animal. I could only hope that I didn’t smell as bad. I spent the rest of the day driving around the city with my windows down and had bought an air freshener (which only made it smell like the dead skunk had been killed in a strawberry patch).
Now you may wonder why I tell this story in the middle of a tale about anger and hurt. Well, later that day I could still smell the “aroma” in my car. I had been listening a few days previous to Pres. Faust’s talk from April 2007 conference entitled “The Healing Power of Forgiveness.” In it he said, “We need to recognize and acknowledge angry feelings. It will take humility to do this, but if we will get on our knees and ask Heavenly Father for a feeling of forgiveness, He will help us. The Lord requires us "to forgive all men" for our own good because "hatred retards spiritual growth." Only as we rid ourselves of hatred and bitterness can the Lord put comfort into our hearts…” Those words had stayed in my head and I guess they finally hit the part of my heart that they needed to. I said a quick prayer and asked my Heavenly Father to please help me with what I was about to do. I dialed my sister’s number and when her voice mail picked up I said I was sorry about the words I had said, I told her I hoped she could forgive me, and I told her that I loved her. A feeling of peace flooded over me. A few minutes later my phone told me I had a voice mail which said, “Brian, I think we need to talk.”
I’d like to say that the conversation that followed was all warm and fuzzy, but it wasn’t. Feelings were still raw, but I kept telling myself that I hadn’t called to make things worse. At one point after many tears I said to my sister, “You have to just let go of these bitter feelings.” I told her how peaceful and free I had felt when I finally had. I told her that I wasn’t trying to preach to her to which she said, “Good. My other brothers have done enough of that.” To which I replied that that was an occupational hazard for them. (Both are seminary teachers). This got a small chuckle out of her.
From there the conversation got much better. Feelings were discussed and sincere apologies were made. At one point, I told her about the skunk from that morning and this brought waves of laughter. I told her I was glad I could make her laugh even if it was at my expense. She said, “Brian, I never thought I’d laugh with you again.” I think that was the highlight of the conversation for me. I was thankful we had gone from “not speaking” to laughing together in the space of 30 minutes. As the conversation ended I said, “I love you Jo.” To which she cried, “I love you too Brian.” We had seen the Healer and the plague had abated.
I got out of the car and went in to see the customer I’d gone to see. When I came back out and got in my car, the smell from that morning still permeated the air, but now the smell brought to mind peace, and the sound of my sister laughing.
