hEaLiNg HaNDS

     Something I love doing more than pretty much anything is singing. I love music! It’s magical. Music has powers that can’t be found anywhere else. Music can bring you to the verge of tears, or the edge of rapture. I’m one of those people you see/hear as you drive around that is singing at the top of their lungs. Windows up or down. Songs from male singers or female. I love music! I’m sure that there will be more entries regarding music, but in reality, this one has almost nothing to do with music, and yet, it does. Confused?

     Back in 1998 I had started a new position at work. I had taken what would become the first of my sales routes. This one covered Arizona, New Mexico, and western Texas, as well as south eastern Utah. I had been doing it for a few months. I liked it well enough. I was gone for 10-11 days at a time. This was before I was married and I really loved being out driving around. (I guess some things just never change) Anyway, I started having odd pains in my chest and abdomen. At first I chalked it up to my new lifestyle of sitting for long periods of time and greasy foods, but as time went on it got worse and worse.  Eventually I went to the doctor to find out what was going on. By now Ann and I were engaged. The doctors couldn’t seem to figure out what was going on. At first the thought it was probably my gal bladder, though that was quickly ruled out. Then strange growths we seen on my lungs.  I was terrified that it might be cancer, but after a couple of weeks the growths had doubled in size. The doctor told me that that was actually good news. WHAT? He said that it was growing far to fast to be cancer. That was good news. So what is it? Well, that part they still didn’t know. Test after test were run and everything came back negative. Meanwhile I was feeling worse and worse. I’d gone in for a biopsy on one lung and still nothing. Eventually it was determined that the doctors were going to have to go in and actually cut a piece or two of whatever it was off my lungs and have a better look. The day came and I went under the knife. They had to deflate my left lung to do what they needed. When the surgery was completed I was in the ICU for a day or two. I remember being told that my friend Justin had called or come to visit, but because I was in the ICU I didn’t get to see or talk to him. I was eventually moved to a regular room where I spent a little over a week. Ann and my family would come to visit. Crazy thing was that the doctors still didn’t know what the heck was growing in there. I actually started planning my funeral at one point. Morbid I know, but what else was I going to do all day in the hospital bed?

     I was finally release to go home, but my lung capacity was still not good so I was hooked up to oxygen. (My friends told me later that they thought they would be attending my funeral as well.) Then all of a sudden the things started shrinking in size! What the heck?! The main doctor told me that he was pretty sure it was Coccidioidomycosis, though tests were still coming up negative. (by the way, they never did figure out what it was. How crazy is that?) I was on oxygen for a little over a month. I had exercises to strengthen my lungs and I did them. I couldn’t sing. I couldn’t hold a note because I didn’t have the lung capacity. I was getting better though. Then one day I was driving up the street and I had a CD playing (of course) and a song began playing. This song was already a favorite of mine, but it was about to jump even higher on the list. I tentatively started singing and I wasn’t running out of breath. I was doing it. I was singing again! I raised my voice even louder as the song progressed. When the song finished, I had sung every word. I actually had to pull over I was so excited. It was the moment where I knew I was going to be fine. I could sing. My lungs were strong. To this day, “Healing Hands” by Elton John will cheer me up better than almost any song. See, totally not about music, and yet totally about music.